Wish It Were Easier..

I don’t know how to express what I feel right now. It’s one of those things where you can’t tell anyone, but you can’t keep it to yourself either. It irritates you annoys the crap outta you. There’s just one person you can probably clear it out with. The very source of this anxiety, this annoying feeling you have in the pit of your stomach. It’s usually very easy to say anything to this person. You don’t think twice before you open your mouth to talk to this person. It’s like your only pillar you had to lean onto is falling down. This one strong pillar you had in life that you trusted on so much is just falling apart and you feel like your helpless you can’t do anything to hold it together.

What do you do when someone really close to you suddenly starts drifting away? Starts pushing you away; starts acting so weird around you that you start wondering if you went wrong somewhere. Of course when you are close to a person you have all rights to have a fight. You fight and you break up but eventually you make up for it. But this isn’t anything like that. There are times when the person is just pretending everything is alright. Puts on a smile and fakes it. But you’re not dumb and obviously if you’ve known the person well you are going to catch it. When this person came into your life you felt like for the first time in a really long time you are looking forward to the future with a smile. And now if there’s any reason this smile could disappear its them. You think of them when there’s anything happening with you because you want to share it first with them.

 You try hard to keep it normal too thinking maybe this is just a phase, maybe it just needs time. Like they say- it’ll heal with time. But seriously you know the “impatient you” very well. You can’t just let it be. You have to fix it. If it’s something bothering them then why not talk it out and let it out. Communication is all it takes. But NO. The egoistic hamo sapiens that we are we prefer waiting for them to make the first move at making things better. Even though you are dying a painful death at every second, you just find it easier waiting for them to make the first move at making things better. Sometimes even if you are ready to do it, ready to take the first step you get this vibe from them like they don’t want to be disturbed. It’s like they’ve hung a “Do Not Disturb” sign and they don’t want to be bothered. Then what? Then maybe just leave it to time. One of my friend said to me, “Good things will happen soon. Just wait for it”.

But otherwise why take all that pain and trouble? Why not just pick up the phone and talk it out with each other. Save those tears for another day. If anything it’s just going to make things better and it’ll save you from all the crappy feeling you feel right now. Maybe it wouldn’t make things better, but at least you will know where you stand. I don’t even know if what I’m saying makes sense anymore. But I know I just have to say it. Wish it were easier without you, but i know better.

I miss you when something good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one that understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear.

if only i could go back in time...

Haven't you ever wondered, what if you could go back in time and change certain things, it would all be so different. If it was so easy as just turning the needles of your watch and suddenly being transported to the old times, where you could make all the needed changes and have a perfect future..not that your not happy with your present, but sometimes you just wish it was a little different. Or sometimes you just wish that you could go back and stop in time.. relive every happy moment over and over again.

One of the most annoying feeling is REGRET. And this happens when you are not happy with something that happened in the past. You so badly wish you could just go back and say things you wanted to or rather that you needed to. Because now you regret. And you can't help it.. it eats you up slowly. But now all you can think is "what if i had said..." You know it would've been so much better if only you had said what you wanted to. You imagine how it would be if you had just spoken your mind. You would be right where you wished to be. Content. Happy. No regrets. 

But the stupid fool that your friends call you and that you are, you just didn't have the guts to say it. Yes your friends call you stupid and they call you dumb; and you feel like one for not being "brave" enough for saying what you really wanted to. You wouldn't be going "Aaaagghhhh" right now. I have had my share of regrets. I have loads of them. And every time i think of those moments i wish i could change all of them. Wish i could just turn the needles on my watch back to the old times. Then maybe we wouldn't be stuck where we are now. Maybe it would be like the fairy tale that everyone only dreams about. Maybe it'd finally be the way we hoped it would be... but the cowards that we are, we chicken out. Every single time. Why, you may ask. Its only because we care too much about the people around, who don't really give a damn about us. The next time you have a chance take it, grab it, or trust me you are going to be regretting. God gives you a lot of chances. Its you who needs to take them. If you don't make it happen for yourself, nobody else can.

So make up your mind, don't give a damn for the people around and just go for it. If you want something you need to ask for it; you need to fight for it. Nobody else can do it for you. If you stop to think what the people are going to say, then your never going to get what your wishing for. And all your going to think is- If only i could go back in time and...